I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
bring money and cleavage
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I enjoy the company of your penis
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
