im drinking this country out of the recession.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
