I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
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So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
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He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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