If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
