Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.