FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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