i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up