tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?