Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
