just tell him i said nine months
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
