I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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