Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
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I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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