fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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