I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
