did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Randomize
