Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
