i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
