her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
