the condom got lost in my hair
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
