I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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