hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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