Don't make out with my wife yet
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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