she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
