We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
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Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
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I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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