how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
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She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize