Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
