There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
In other news, I just burned my penis
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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