I cannot find my penis.
someone owes me an orgasm
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
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