I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
