i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
