i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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