The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
