After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
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if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
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Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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