a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
