this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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