The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i will never coherently bang her
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
