Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
