apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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