the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
