In the future we'll all be gay
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
