Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
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I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
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This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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