He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
