You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
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They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
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Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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