i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
