this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
