Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
