PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
