Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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