i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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