I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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