I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she smelled like a LAN party
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
