1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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