Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
