Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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