as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.