WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.