i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
