Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
