Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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