DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
