dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
