Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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