best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
